High School

Every drama story you have ever read, but with a plot twist. Every nightmare created by sleeping Nazis. Every unimportant moment in history... COMES TO NOW . . .
HIGH SCHOOL! ! !Cheer for it or wet yourself... it's your choice... but whatever you do, remember this one thing:
You're wrong.
High School is different than you expect. The teachers and students are just plain crazy. All those stories you've made up or gossiped on; about your "weird" teachers... are just the foam you blow off your shampoo before massaging it into your hair. Overestimating your teachers in High school could save your life. Literally.

Well, I'm not saying High school is even bad or scary, you may just have interpreted me wrong. It's not some crumbling place next to a cliff where they teach you how to become Lord Voldemort, or some other black necromancer. It would only be scary to anyone with a certain digestive rate such as mine. Or could be scary to a Kindergartner, which shouldn't happen, because Kindergartners go to Kindergarten...

So if you are having problems every day, stumbling into that endless tunnel of doom and intellectual advantages, you might just want to tell yourself to stop moaning and learn to tie your shoe.

The worst part about High school is actually lunch; because you get hungry and eat your lunch before you are even out of the line, and then you have to wait for friends to finish their lunch, and by the time they are done you are hungry again.

Another bad part is getting lost. They label the door numbers so you can find your class, but they don't realize how stupid that is... reading numbers means you have to COUNT, and how are you supposed to count? ? ? You're just in High school for puddings sake! ! !

You end up wandering the hall way with a friend low in social status. (not saying that you are low in social status, because I'm not even your friend.)

Just Kidding

When you finally find your class, it's over and you have to get to your next class, only finding out... you forgot your locker combination.You go to the office and they write everything you need to know on your hand...
          Name
          Age

          Locker Combination

          and any personal diseases they may have given you during the wait in line.

In conclusion, I must say that I like high school and my teachers. You make new friends, and new enemies, and new mistakes. But in turn, everything turns out well after you get a hang of things. You find your classes without a schedule, you eat lunch in normal time frames, and you get D's in math. Everything is normal....

There was a... squid

I went to a Honda Dealer (I really like Honda) and I was trying out all their cars. Which was fun. Then I tried out all their helicopters and submarines too. I lost a submarine though, and now I have to pay for it! ! ! It wasn't even my fault. It was a freakin SQUID ! ! ! I swear I did nothing! ! ! And now I have to pay an outrageous fee because a stupid sandwich filling destroyed a nuclear sub!
Stupid Calamari

uʍop-ǝpısdn ǝdʎʇ I

˙llǝʍ ɥO
˙ʇou ʎlqɐqoɹԀ
˙ǝlqıssod sı sıɥʇ ɟı ʍouʞ uǝʌǝ ʇ,uop I
˙ɹǝʌǝ ˙ʇ,uop ʎǝɥʇ ɥɔıɥM ˙ʇı pɐǝɹ ʎllɐnʇɔɐ ʎǝɥʇ ɟı ǝɯıʇ s,ʎpoqʎɹǝʌǝ sǝʇsɐʍ ʇI ˙sıɥʇ ǝʞıl ƃuıdʎʇ ǝʌol I

Me Versus an Indescribable Foe!

Rule number 1: If your back tickles, kill the mosquito, before it kills you.

Me Versus an Indescribable Foe!

It all started out after I got a haircut. I was in the bathroom checking out my new hairdo when I saw a wavy form outside the window. I couldn't really see what it was because of the stupid blotted blue glass they use in restrooms. I hurried and dried my hair and jumped through the window to the recently mowed yard below. Wait! Revise: I hurried and dried the window and jumped through my yard below to the recently mowed hair.
I checked under all my blue spruces in my yard and around every lawn dart. But there was nothing that could have made such a big moving figure on the lawn.
"what the gnome?" I thought to myself. And then I was like: "But what if it dug a hole and got away?" And sure enough I found a huge 12 by 8 hole dug in the garden right where I had just planted a Cilantro Plant. "Right." I said.
I grabbed a flashlight and a pocketknife and jumped into the hole. Which was stupid. I forgot that its possible to dig down into the bedrock and not just sideways...
I estimated I fell for about 41 seconds, which ended up me landing 230 feet deep in a pool of muddy water. Immediately I was plunged in darkness when my flashlight sank to the bottom of the water tunnel. I swam around, stunned and in shock for a while. I regained my senses and swam to the edges of the hole trying to find a way out of this darkened dismal mud hole. I found nothing but rock.
"Oh crap." I said, swimming another circle to recheck.
I yelled for help and screamed but nothing.
I started panicking and kicked, but my foot didn't kick the wall, it kept going and I busted my hip on the edge of an underwater tunnel.
I didn't know If that went to anywhere, but I might have a chance of escaping if I swam down there. I took the deepest biggest breath ever in the History of Houdini.
I dove and swam through the hole, and I swam and swam and swam, and the tunnel curved up! And there was air! But it was still dark. but the tunnel walls weren't vertical and I climbed out onto a muddy service that I couldn't see.
I started my gradual accent upwards. Sloshing through who knows what in my white golf shoes.
And I finally saw light! I rushed towards it and... I was in a cave lit by a lantern sitting on a bucket. And that's all. No exit. Nobody.
I opened the bucket. It was full of iron bars each 3 feet long.
Then I had an idea. But I never got the chance cause I hand grabbed me and shoved me into the wall.
I was spun around and faced a large man with bushy facial features.
"What?" I said.
"I didn't say nothing." He growled.
"But why are you hurting me into the wall?"
"... You're in my cave."
"Okay bye." And I raced for the door, but I was still pinned on the wall, so I didn't get very far.
"Crap." I said and tried again, but I didn't get any farther.
I finally had to kill the man. REVISE: I finally bit the man and he let me go for a second and then charged me in his bold outrage of having teeth marks in his hairy knuckles. I dodged and he slammed into the wall. A huge portion of the wall collapsed and buried the man, so only his leather boots were sticking out.
Now since I was free. I reached into the bucket and pulled one of the bars out. I bent it, and then heated it in the lanternand stopped when it was white hot, and I scraped the edge off with my knife until it was sharp. I stuck the metal into the mud to cool. I repeated this until I had 4 sharp iron bars. I ripped my shirt and tied 2 of these to my shoes. The other 2 I had in my hands. I swam to the original hole and started climbing. It was tough work but I eventually made it to the top and pulled myself out into my garden. heavy breathing
I got off my flattened tomato plants and went inside.

So this was the day I killed a man in a cave protecting iron bars that were able to melt in a lantern and sharpen with a pocketknife. The iron was FAKE!

Stung

ow
I have never been stung by a bee until now.

I was riding my bike at about 9:00 P.M.  and a hornet flew up my sleeve. I was stung right behind the armpit, on my trapeze muscle.

It didn't hurt as bad as I though it would but it still hurt. There was a couple walking across the street when it stung my and I yelled: "OW, What the?" and stopped my bike and grabbed my shirt's sleeve and shook like crazy freeing the frenzied hornet that was trapped in my 100% cotton arm hole. The couple looked at me and then left the approximate square mile as fast as their little hairless legs could carry them. I just continued on my way.
Then I had to feed some chickens and some rabbits that are bred for eating.

Yawn

Summer





IS





Boring

and Happy 4th of July. Exactly 120 days til my birthday. AKA exactly 4 months. I always know the 4th of July is 120 days to my birthday. :|

When Random is Mixed with Everything

When random is mixed with everything you get a lot of free stuff. But you have to be careful because it can hurt you. Unexplained Expletive explosions easily erupt around earthquakes. These titanic turmoils take time to totter the turf. Finally from four flares, free furnishings, fly forth! Crap, consanant comparing commencement! I didn't mean to alliterate, I swear I'm shamefully sorry! Okay. Let's get some similes out here. WHAT? No. Okay this is dumb. I'm just leaving. I just saved the level and I died but it didn't save really! It lied! gasp
Hey stop swearing. JK I love how you don't swear. Yes, I'm talking to you. I miss you all. Maybe. Yep, I do.

... um
yah yeah. I lost like a page of info I tried to save on this post. So now I can't remember what I typed.
Maybe you can call me at: 801-KIDDINGThis is a rejection hotline. I reject you. JK

so tired...

No Idea

MOST of you have no idea of what real pain is.. So here's a list of the most horrible things imagineable, from BAD to WORST:
10: Losing a your best friend to the Dark Side. When your most favorite person (me) gets converted to the Sith. That has to be bad.
9: When you choke on something. A horrible feeling.
8: When something you've taken over a year to make, is lost or ruined. This hurts really bad, deep down in your tender heart and can cause serious problems.
7: Waking up to a fire alarm. This is so horrible, at this moment when you wake up, your mind goes though 2 million WORST-CASE scenarios and then you scream.
6: Burning to death in your sleep. I'm sure this hasn't ever happened to you.
5: Nothing. This can be extremely frusturating and may cause instant death.
4: Losing your mind. Although this is bad, it can be really fun if you work hard.
3: Christmas Music in the Spring. Not even joking.
2: Starving to death in a Supermarket. This almost happened to me. But my new best friend Darth Vader saved my life.
1: Worst of all: Watching and listening to this all night: http://nyan.cat/
This is torture.

Nothing