I need a trophy.

I do. It's true. Leave me alone. My feelings got Fruzzed. :(

If I could go back to yesterday... Ahhh. Beatles or something. I had to avoid my medicine cabinet. It has sharp teeth and was creeping me out. Just a bit.

Which reminds me: I need to learn how to shade better in Microsoft Paint. Oh well. It could be compared to this rainbow tunnel thing that I drew:

Can you imagine

getting absorbed into this horrible neon torture? It burns me! Actually I just made this post so I could draw on Paint.

Spacestation

I am building a space station. It will have state of the art technology and over 110 petabytes of storage. All the walls will be covered in:

Celestron, buy at amazon.

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6" Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology! Yeah! There will be a total of 150 habitable rooms and 30 docking bays. There will be an alarm system for anything that goes wrong. There is a back-up alarm system that is an annoying recording of a kazoo. The ship will have a large storage brain and will be able to talk and understand things you say.

There will be over 13 high-tech telescopes and 100 people working there.

Yeah :( It will orbit Earth at a nice 2,004,840 mph. Thanks. It will have a zoo, laser system, and a schizophrenic clover farm storage kit. THIS WONDERFUL space station will be launched around 2666 A.D. I will still be alive.

 yeah.

Uncle

This post is about my uncle. I am only doing this, because I can't lie to Taylor. I told him I would do a post on my uncle, so I must. (actually I was planning before my promise)

Here goes: My uncle has lived or journeyed in over 102 countries. He has his black belt (got it when he was 10) and is a professional Barber. He speaks Chinese and English and married a Filipino woman. He owns a sword and bit a muggers finger off. Here's him in Sao Paulo, Brazil:

Thanks.

He is very amazing. I love him. If you can guess his name in two guesses (as a comment on the blog) I will give you a silver dollar.

¡ Updates. PART 5¼ !

Like my fancy title? It has the Spanish exclamations and the ¼ sign even though I was going to do ½.
¡Aye!
Anyway. I'm creating this post for updates and brain damage purposes.
So here are the blog updates: The word of the week has changed to: "The Word of every single time I get on the Blog."
I also created a new page (see above the posts right next to the title) the page is meant for you so that you can see the blog updates without me having to tell you on a post. So go check it out right after you finish reading this blog so I don't have to type anymore crap.

NOW FOR THE REAL HOOGIES!!!

Questions for you (answer as a comment)

Q: Do you read the entire post whenever I make one?

Q: Why not?

Just kidding, I have faith in you guys (and those exeptional gals out there *including Pakistan*)

Now this: I over use colons don't I? ANSWER: yes: : : : : : : : : :   k: mart:  (see below and above):

I also have brain damage  I GOT IT FOR FREE!

I also lie to much. Now this is why I want you to read my randomized posts: Although my posts and full of random crud and random repititions and random crud, they do have some meaning in them. Read "ADS" several times and you will find much truth. Kind of. No actually it's really true this time. You just have to explore my mind. (see left)
Get to know my posts, and you may understand me. If you say "But I do understand him!" Then you don't. See? When you can email me and tell me what my next post will be on. THAT'S WHEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ME! Even though if you were right I'll change it.

2 parts II (twopartstwo) ? TPT? whatever...

PART ONE: notice: I changed quote of the week to word of the week. (SEE TOP LEFT OF THE BLOG) Thanks to Mr. Davidson, (Taylor's dad) I now have that. It was his idea. The words will be pretty cool although almost every single on will be made up.

PART TWO: click each one of these: They're awesome!
Mutated dog

Spinach Fungus

Spider-man Enemies

Bass Guitars and

Texas Hold-em Massacre

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT? Just kidding... twice. Just kidding to the eleventh power. I really have nothing importantly random to write about. SO INSTEAD I'LL DRAW A PICTURE!

and another!

YES! Dont ask me about this picture:

ADS

I hate ads, I can't resist making fun of them. I hate the ones that say: Buy one, get one free.  or Buy one and get a second for half price. I mean common! Buy a hermit crab to get one free! Buy a machete to get the second for half price! SO WHAT? What's the big deal? I mean, what about my ads? They are sure to work because they grab your attention. Has this ever been tried?

SEE? I'm sure to sell hundreds of machetes a day! I also hate those commercials with women-singing jingles. ♪ les-olsen company! ♫

Mine would work a lot better: ♫ les-εταιρεία Olsen! (hard rock male voice with Russian accent)

This is spoken in Greek... and it catches their attention! I also hate those ads that take forever to talk about, they are seriously like... 4 minutes long. I would just do a single word. Let's say you're selling, a new invention called "Firepod". You don't say: "The firepod has over 1,000 uses in twelve states! It looks really nice and my kids love it!" 

You say: "FIREPOD!" (screaming and a picture of the firepod). Then they search it and read everything on it instead of just hearing what they did on T.V.

TOTAL TIME: 2.6 seconds.

Pretty cool huh? I also hate redundant commercials. JUST $9.99, JUST $9.99! or CALL US AT 1-800-555-Hung, that's: 1-800-555-HUNG! AUGHH!

It's annoying! It's ANNOYING! JUST ANNOYING! I also hate commercials where they don't even make sense in what they are saying, this wouldn't even be a problem if they just made it one word:

Our new Tibotubor 500 is such a new experience for our heightened costumers. They will love our newest nanotoxidation technology helping them synthesize new biomaterials. The nanometer of 1:40 of our one dimension quantum mechanics and device physics helps you engineer with abalone shell with perfect elastomers and allografting. Your calcium regeneration will be woven amazingly into the DNA phosphate. It works in the Lebesgue form and was partially developed by the famous Hausdorff running with finite non-integers... BLAH BLAH BLAH.

You might as well talk about cubed-bunnies with Head Palm tree growths and Batcave stomachs and Hogwarted shoulders...

THE END

THE END... thanks for listening to me. (sarcasm)

How to Torture Hermit Crabs

I seriously thought about putting this on WikiHow, but I was afraid I'd get arrested for animal cruelty:

Idea 1: Put the hermit crab in a hamster ball. After it's in a hamster ball, you can either give it to a baby, or flush it down a toilet, it doesn't matter which.

Idea 2: Tie the hermit crab to a pencil (using yarn), put it back underwater where it belongs.

Idea 3: Put the crab in a tuba, then play it.

Idea 4: Carry the hermit crab around with you wherever you go, in your pocket!

Idea 5: Feed it nothing but potato peels and/or lettuce. It may not eat these items, so be careful.

like my art? Click this picture for a free hermit crab! JK

Pretty cool huh? I actually don't have a hermit crab so I haven't actually done any of these...

Two-parts...

PART # 1: I finally finished my book! It's about birds and platypussen. Um, platypi. Platypuses? Platies? Anyway... Here's more info on the book... THIS IS NOT A JOKE: http://abouttheauthor.yolasite.com/
THEN... you can buy this 600 page book for $5.00! NO TAX! buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=obsidian+birds

PART # 2: YOU like my poems, huh?





Click this picture for a free T-shirt!





WELL! I've had an inspiration. You know the poem: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy was he?

Well, this poem has inspired me to write several of my own:



Fuzzy Wuzzy was a deer, Fuzzy Wuzzy drank some beer, Fuzzy Wuzzy now thinks pretty fuzzy.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a hare, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very Fuzzy was he?

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a chair, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, of course not! He was a chair!

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a snail, Fuzzy Wuzzy is a weird name for a snail.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a peach, not an apricot, a peach. Peaches are Fuzzy Wuzzy!

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a man, Fuzzy Wuzzy invented pants, Fuzzy Wuzzy got rich quick...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a science teacher in Spain, Fuzzy Wuzzy he got rich quick, Fuzzy Wuzzy died.

Fuzzy Wuzzy.

Pretty good huh?

Schizophrenic clover farms.

This is more info on schizophrenic clovers, living in farms. If you haven't read my comment on the post: Huh?

I Suggest you read my comment first...

A schizophrenic clover is a clover that goes through phases of emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, and hallucinations. It usually goes through each of these twice or more a day. The most common of these acts are the hallucinations. Just yesterday, one of my friends, a clover named Trifolium, told me that he had a pet fireball that he could play chess with. I was so surprised that I fell off my massage chair. Every day after that, Trifolium pretended he was a ninja, even though he thought he really was. I finally called the authorities (Schizophrenic Plant Authorities: aka SPA) and had them take poor Trifolium and put him in a farm. I cried for several days.

         I was so distressed, I looked up things about schizophrenic clovers. I found out that half the population of clovers were schizophrenic. I also found out that when clovers were found with Dementia Praecox (schizophrenia) they were always placed into a farm.

A clover farm is just like an ant farm, except for that instead of ants inside, there's a clover. After the clover was in a farm, all signs of disorganized speech and emotional blunting, disappear. Sadly, delusions and hallucinations go way up, off the charts. I also found out that clovers with schizophrenia were contagious to humans. I was then really worried that Trifolium had infected me.

        I then looked up the uses of a schizophrenic clover farm. I was surprised when I read what they were used for: Blowing up doors. This was only limited to locked doors that were trapping you in a room. It had been discovered only one year before, when a young schoolboy threw a well treated clover farm at a locked ISS door. This leads to the fact that only well treated clovers explode.

       This is because when pleased, a clover produces C6H12O6(KNO3)

(KNO3) is gunpowder. When thrown, the glucose gunpowder ignites and explodes on contact of a locked door. This somehow defies the laws of explosive physics.